Try This For Sighs
by ThemWhoWriteThatRoxiAndTaraFic
Summary: A friend of one miss Tara Noir comes to visit the flat in London, and of course falls for one of the lovely lads residing therein! OC-tastic well, two of them at least and rated for secksy tiemz. Title from the superiffic Adam Ant.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello readers! We're Radar_rox and Bombilicious, we've joined forces to fight evil and throw off the hated opressors! Um, we mean, write something. Yep. That's it.**

**So, the story of that.. Bombilicious read the work of Radar_rox, in particular her series of Tara stories, and something rather strange occured. A character formed in her mind, a stylish young lady by the name of Roxi, who inexplicably seemed to demand that she be given form, and the friendship of Tara Noir. So, after a lengthy and flattering PM, Radar_rox was blackmailed, I mean, charmed, into agreeing to co-write a story. It's just a bit of a lark and experiment, as neither of your authors have co-written anything before and thought they'd welcome a new experience. **

**So, without further ado, this is the story of Roxanne Stamford's experiences of meeting the boosh and their doubly-fictional sister/fiance/friend. We hope you enjoy.**

"How much further is it?" Asked Vince. "I'm getting bored."

Tara glanced at her dashboard clock. "I told you ten minutes ago it'll be about twenty minutes. Make the numbers dance Vince."

"'What about your book Vince, can't you do that some more?" asked Naboo from the back.

Vince held up the children's activity book they'd given him for the short journey. "What, this? I'm not a kid y'know, I'm older than- well, Tara anyway. 'Sides, I finished it when we passed those cows."

"Look out of the window or something then Vince, eat your sweets. It won't be long."

"Can't we have some music on?"

"No, I forgot my cds when we left the flat, _late_," she looked pointedly at Vince. "All I've got is this one compilation cd that I've heard far too many times this month, and this one of Howard's." She held up a muffin-coloured cd entitled 'Big Bob's Be Bop Ballads of Bruges.'

"Just think of the shopping Vince." Said Naboo. "It'll help pass the time."

"Yeah, right, I've worked out my list look, Tie Rack for some cool scarves and a hat, then I need three pairs of boots, five new tops, a couple of jackets and maybe a shirt or two to customise, and I dunno, four pairs of trousers? How long are you gonna be picking this Roxi up anyway?"

"Probably about five minutes, so you'll need to speed-shop. But she might want a drink or something I suppose."

"Airport food's expensive mind." Came Naboo's voice from behind them.

"Oh that's true. Anyway Vince, I don't think you'll be able to get all that, most of those sorta shops are after security. Unless Boots have seriously branched out."

"And remember we'll need room for suitcases Vince, I dunno what Roxi packs like but we don't want your shopping bags taking up all the room."

"That's true." Nodded Tara. "You might have to sit on, in, or under some of her stuff, both of you."

"What about you?" asked Vince.

"I get special treatment because Roxi loves me." She grinned.

"So just because we haven't met her we get lumbered with her suitcases? I bet I'll have to go sit in the back like a loser too." Vince grumbled, then let out an 'oi!' as Naboo reached forward to knock his hat off.

"Hey, you didn't have to come Vince, you started raving about duty-free and said if I didn't bring you along you'd tell Bryan it was me that gave the leopards catnip that time. And Naboo's only coming because Roxi's so impatient she wanted to meet him right away. Anyway, don't pretend you aren't exactly the same with packing."

"There's no way Roxi could be worse than him. 'Ere Vince, have you realised that there's gonna be a girl at the flat who isn't your sister?"

"Yeah." Vince shrugged lightly. "But the romance sorta went out of the idea after Tara said I'd have to share Howard's room to give her somewhere to sleep."

"You've been in worse situations. Think about it Vince, you were gonna have to share that tiny tent with him in the tundra. That ought to stop you falling asleep on your straighteners if you come in pissed again."

"Tell me about it.. Howard snores like a congested walrus, I thought the tent was gonna blow away and we'd be buried in an avalanche!"

Tara frowned. "You can't have avalanches in the tundra, can you? I thought it was all flat."

"Well, if you're gonna have one, it'll be Howard's fault."

"I'll give you some of my magic no-snore potion if you like Vince, give him some of that before he goes to sleep and you'll be fine."

"I thought that took people's noses off and turned their tongues to sherbert?"

Naboo shrugged.

* * *

Roxi wandered absent-mindedly through the airport, hoping that all five of her suitcases had arrived safely. She also wondered how Tara was, what her fiancé was like, and just what the hell a shaman exactly was. Catcalls followed her as she sauntered along, but she ignored them with well-practiced ease; her petite hourglass frame often invited such unwanted attention, as did the brightly coloured hair that other women often seemed so compelled to comment on. She was just used to it by now.

Waiting at baggage claim, she considered stealing a particularly sparkly suitcase until it's seven-year-old rightful owner heaved it off the conveyor belt, apparently feeling hindered by the assistance offered to her by her father. This spectacle over, Roxi turned her attention back to the other bags, then glanced idly at her nails. They'd only been done the day before, black with glittery silver tips, and she was suddenly worried for their safety if she was going to be lugging her heavy suitcases around.

She glanced around and spotted a man stood alone, large stomach threatening to at any moment burst forth from the black leather trousers and open shirt he was inexplicably wearing. "Excuse me darlin'," she addressed him in her most seductive voice. "I was just wondering if you could give me a hand?"

Blinded by her smile and his apparent unbelievable luck, the stranger nodded dumbly, not counting on all five of the heavy cases. Once they'd all been retrieved and loaded, Roxi flashed the poor sap a wink and was off like a dirty shirt, impatient to meet her friend. Not to mention her fiancé, brother, and the Howard and Bollo Tara often talked about in her emails. Also, maybe there were some more shops around here.. shops were always good.

She wandered through the most terribly depressing corridors known to man outside of 1970s-built NHS hospitals, trying not to trip over the multitude of sticky, wet, noisy and stained children running around under everyone's feet, apparently without owners. The grown-up people around her were just as bad, hot, sticky and tired, even though the flight had only been an hour or so and the day was cold. She'd passed the time earlier mentally giving them all makeovers, but there was only so much her imagination could achieve.

Finally they were out into the open, and she looked around the crowds of people for Tara. Her friend really was quite short, but she'd no doubt have found a way to- oh, that must be her. A tinsel-edged sign emblazoned with 'Foxy Roxi, over here you great tart!' was being held aloft. She immediately headed in that direction where, unbeknownst to her, Tara was trying to get Vince to let her climb onto his back for more leverage.

"No! You'll mess my hair up!"

"I will if you don't let me have a look!"

"What's she look like, I'll tell you if I see her."

"Well I…I dunno exactly, she changes her look a lot, she's as bad as you. But if I just saw her..."

While this had been going on, Naboo had cast a furtive look around, and once he was sure no-one was paying him any attention cast a quick levitating spell on himself and rose up a little to look over the crowd. "There's a girl walking over here looking at your sign Tara. Pale, dyed hair and piercings?"

"Sounds about right." She raised her voice. "Oi Roxi! If you can hear me I'm the midget under the tinsel, get over here!"

Roxi was ashamed to admit that when she first heard 'midget under the tinsel' she automatically thought of midget gem sweets...then she realised they couldn't talk.

She grinned as she recognised Tara's voice "Ok...I'll just follow the shininess!"

She was almost put off when that kid with the sparkly suitcase walked past, but luckily the tinsel was shinier.

Naboo hastily lowered himself to the ground as Roxi marched towards them, quick as her cowboy boots would take her. The first thing she saw was a pretty good looking guy by the sign, then her eyes zeroed in on Tara; pink streaks were hard to miss. "Tara! How the devil are you, you little pixie?!" She asked, abandoning her trolley and running up to her friend, hugging her tightly.

"Suffocating, yourself?"

"Oops...sorry!" she replied, blushing a little and letting Tara go. "I'm annoyed...there was a serious lack of shops this side!" She turned around to watch her trolley rolling along with the crowd of people. "I should probably go get that" she said without making any move to, instead simply tilting her head at it.

"Be a gentleman would you my love?" asked Tara of Naboo. "Don't leave our lovely damsel guest's... rather extensive... luggage in it's hour of need."

Naboo rolled his eyes, but nevertheless smiled and went to retrieve Roxi's luggage before it started a bomb scare.

"Oooh oooh oooh! Is that Naboo...or is this him?" Roxi looked Vince up and down "Cause he looks an awful lot like you!" The excitement of seeing her friend again had made Roxi a little silly. "Anyway's I want formal introductions to everyone and point me in the direction of the nearest shops!"

"But of course! Shall I continue in the fairytaleish theme I seem to have fallen into?"

"Yeah why not? Tell me everything you've been up to since I last saw you...and I mean everything, including details!"

"As you wish! Fair Roxanne," this earned Tara a small glare as she took her friend's hand, "may I introduce you to Camden's very own Prince Charming, fashionista and frontman Vince Noir, cherished brother of mine."

"Alright?" Grinned Vince, hugging her lightly in greeting.

"Prince Charming huh? Well hey Mr. Noir - you're now officially my new shopping buddy!" she winked then grinned back at him...the guy knew style!

"He's also lamenting the lack of shops. And this," Tara continued, whirling Roxi around in a tight circle as Naboo wheeled the suitcases back, "is my very own Knight in Shining... turban, Naboo."

"So this is Naboo! It's a pleasure to meet you!" she held out her hand politely. "And you got all my suitcases, thanks, you're a real darlin'!"

"You too." Smiled Naboo, shaking her hand firmly. "Vince lets get this luggage loaded, the sooner we get back the sooner we can drop you two off at the shops for your fix." Naboo added inclining his head towards the suitcases...each had been customised to within an inch of it's life.

"Why do I have to load it? You shoulda brought Bollo along."

"Bollo can't go into airports, remember Vince? Not after he and Chinko stole that plane and flew to Nepal, he's on some sorta list."

"Oh yeah...but still - what if my hair goes outta place? This took me ages this morning!" He preened himself a little in the reflective glass of a window and raised his eyebrows, nodding in satisfaction.

Roxi studied the electro poofs hair with a slight saucy smile "Let me guess...Nicky Clark, hottest you can get?"

"Haha, yeah, how'd you know?"

"I know good hair when I see it!" she smiled and shrugged as she complimented him easily...after all in her opinion there was a lot to compliment! "You're right it would kinda be a shame to ruin that hair" she grinned then whistled to the guy she'd accosted at the luggage claim "Hey you...again....mind helping me get my suitcases loaded?" She asked, giving him a wink that Jessica Rabbit would be envious of.

The portly man gawped at her, unable to utter anything of sense except "Holy cycling beardo..", abandoned his own suitcase for Roxi's trolley, wheeling it after the group and staring openly at Roxi's shapely behind.

"I always kind of hate you for being able to do that." Remarked Tara casually as they wandered out to her highly personalised van.

"Don't pretend you can't do it too." Smirked Roxxi.

"Yeah, but only sometimes. It's like you flick a switch in them or something. Do feel sorry for the poor chaps though, the way you pick them up and then drop them when you get what you want."

"I only do it before the do it to me...you know what I'm like, when I like a guy I become a weak emotional wreck...so I have fun with them instead!" she shrugged. She was, as it happens, wrong; when Roxi found someone attractive, she behaved pretty much exactly as usual. It was only when she became aware of the depths of her attraction that she changed - for fear of getting hurt and finding herself weak and upset, she instead became cold and distant, holding men away in the hope of saving her own feelings, but ultimately ending up alone.

"You find him attractive?" asked Tara with raised eyebrows, nodding back at their luggage handler.

"Well... gotta keep my hand in haven't I? So c'mon...you haven't even told me how you and Naboo got engaged yet! Your postcards were a little vague to say the least...and I still have no idea where the nearest shops are...not that that matters - I have a shopping buddy now" She turned to look at Vince giving him that same wink, wondering if it would work on a guy that was possibly her very equal.

"You and Vince are going to be bad for each other, I can tell." Replied Tara. "And um... well, what can I tell you, he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him." Even now, Tara couldn't help but blush and smile.

"Details girl! I can't get my vicarious thrills from that generalised rubbish!"

Tara paused, unsure of what to say. The truth was that Naboo, Vince, Howard, Bollo, and her mother Vienne had brought Tara back from the dead after she'd been killed months ago, and after some explanation of what had happened, Naboo had sat her down away from the others and asked her to marry him, with a speech so gorgeous she'd had to ban herself from thinking about it when driving for fear of drifting into other lanes while her mind was elsewhere. This would take a little adaptation.

"Ok, um... it was at the flat, and we were all there, Naboo was gonna send the others out to give us some time alone but apparently he couldn't wait, so... he sat me down on a chair and knelt in front of me. And lemme tell you, I almost yelled 'yes' right then, but I'm glad I waited, he said the most gorgeous things... and then he asked me to marry him."

"Yeah... what did you say?"

"............I said no Rox, which is why he's emigrated to Belgium. I said yes you prat, what do you think I'm wearing this for?!" she cried, waving her engagement ring at Roxi, who pounced on it.

"Ooh, that's gorgeous! You've got a great eye Naboo!"

Naboo grinned sweetly "Thanks, I try."

Vince grinned too. "I helped 'im pick it out, I'm the one with style" That wink of Roxi's had done a certain something to him, he was even flirtier than usual. Tara was right, they would be bad for each other.

Naboo looked confused and mouthed "No he didn't..."

"Vince, if it had been your decision my ring would've been green and made of Perspex."

Roxanne looked up from the ring for the first time since she'd seen it to look at Vince "Shiny Perspex? That would have been really cool!"

"Cool, yes, traditionally matrimonially tasteful, not so much." Said Tara, cutting across Vince before he could start raving about the wonders of perspex and how it never shattered if you dropped it on the bathroom tiles, not like some of those rubbish glass rings they try and rip you off with.

Roxi frowned and studied her friend with burning curiosity..."Tara...since when exactly did you care about tasteful...ness... I thought you said cool was the only way to be" she pouted, now realising she was alone in this theory. Hell, if she ever got married, and that was very very unlikely, it would be in something red and shiny and sparkly and all together matrimonially tasteless.

"It's all very well being kick-ass cool - let's face it, I am." Tara flicked her hair with mock arrogance. "But no... I don't want something awesome, I want something gorgeous."

She fell back a step to walk with Naboo, her hand slipping into his open palm as she kissed him lightly.

"Well on the plus side that is an awesomely gorgeous ring..." Roxi replied, smiling at the two of them as she took her place at Vince's side. "And you two were clearly made for each other! As much as I don't actually understand that" she grinned at Tara.

"Ah, someday my friend, you will. It'll hit ya like a train made of duvets."

"I would rather get hit by an actual train...imagine having to share a mirror with someone else your whole life" she shook her head grimly "I don't think I'd survive it"

Behind her, a smile grew on Vince's face, and Naboo glanced sideways at him knowingly.

"Then again...I suppose if the other face was pretty enough I might get used to it...but I mean, it'd have to be like really pretty!!! Like glitter!" she grinned at Tara, having missed the Vince/Naboo exchange.

"Maybe you could just get a really big mirror?" Asked Tara.

"What, like one of those Hollywood ones with all the light bulbs round the edge?"

"Well yeah, a really big one that you could get a couple of people in front of. Vince has got a little one, I got it for his birthday a few years back."

Roxi laughed at the suggestions "Ok ok, I get it, I need to get a big mirror! But like...what if the person stole my eyeliner? Or my root boost - I mean hair doesn't look this good on it's own!" she swung her long locks over her shoulder, the red in it glinting almost dangerously. "What's new on the van then? Where the hell have you parked it anyway?"

"It's not far, I didn't know if you'd be delayed or anything so I had to go for the couple of hours one. And I dunno, not a lot's new on there I think, I've been in London most of the time, so there aren't a lot of places I can put on."

"But you hate London, why're you spending so much time there?"

"Well because.. it's where Naboo is, and Vince and Howard and Bollo. I'd miss them."

"But what about the rest of us! You haven't been to see me for ages, have you been to see anyone else?"

A tidal wave of guilt loomed up inside Tara. Or was it the sandwich she'd picked up in that garage? No, it was guilt. "Well, I um… I've seen… I've seen Nick!"

"Nick? Where's he live then?"

"………….London…"

Roxi stopped walking to fix Tara with a Look, and was apparently resolute in her immovability.

Tara watched her for a moment to see if she'd crack under the sudden demands being made on her attention, then sighed. "Yeah, alright, I know, I suck. I'll try and get around to see everyone in a bit." They reached the van, and Tara let go of Naboo's hand to unlock first the doors, then the boot – ain't no central locking in 1960's campers you know.

Roxi followed her around to the back. "Don't tell me you've become one of those awful people that can't stand to be without their partners for more than a day, and that's why you won't come and see us? There's room in this van for two, I'm sure, bring him along or something!"

"Yes, I'm afraid I have become one of those awful people. It's pathetic until you experience it yourself. And.. it's not just that. You know that thing I always did, always leaving to be somewhere else, as soon as I got properly comfortable or into a routine I'd be off?"

"Territory I feel familiar with, yes."

"I don't want to do that any more. I'm happy in the flat, even if its location isn't one I'm over the moon about. But I think I am due a good long break away, I might go around and see everyone. If I can bear to tear myself away from that hot piece of ass I call my fiancé." She winked, laughing.

Roxi laughed too. "Well, I suppose if I had someone at home who looked at me like he looks at you I don't know if I'd want to leave either!"

Tara smiled sweetly. "Come on then, we'd better get this new branch of Topshop loaded into the van."

"Pftt, you're so behind, I only shop there for accessories now!"

"Since when?"

"Since they stopped being completely original and started looking like every other shop on the high street."

"Right."

"Honestly, if I wanted a H&M scarf I'd go to H&M.."

"Will you just shut up and help me please?"

Roxi pouted. "Why do I have to help, it'll damage my nails!' Tara glared at her. 'Why can't we get Vince and Naboo to load it?"

"Get out of the fifties Rox, and pick this up would you? It's all very well roping strangers in with your wily ways but you aren't taking advantage of Naboo and Vince like that!"

Speaking of strangers, their it had slowly dawned on their horny helper that Roxi hadn't paid him any attention since she'd met up with these friends of hers and given one the same wink and began flirting with him/her. What did they have that he didn't? Apart from the stupidly pretty features, big hair and tight trousers that actually did suit them?

He sighed and took his leave, remembering that somewhere he had luggage of his own. And a wife….

Tara moved to take hold of the handle of a purple suitcase that had toppled off the trolley.

"No, Tara, wait, it-

"Rox, stop being silly, it's-Tara tried to pick up the suitcase. She didn't get far. '…………….mmmfpt!!"

"I told you! That's my really heavy case, its got my laptop and products and straighteners and all sorts of stuff in it!"

Tara lowered herself slowly to sit on the floor of the van's boot, and rested against the side. "Um.. guys… help us please?"

Naboo and Vince had been in discussion about something inside the van, but Vince quickly put the mysterious and unidentifiable sweet away, and they got out to help.

"Are you alright?" asked Naboo, seeing Tara's grimace.

"Yep." She squeaked. "Just… crippled."

Vince looked at the suitcases. "I can't help you with them, if I bend over or anything my trousers'll split."

This appeared to revive Tara. "For goodness' sake, you two are as bad as each other! Sod your nails and sod your trousers, get moving."

She started to pull herself upright again until she was aided by Naboo. As Roxi and Vince chose the lightest suitcase and lifted it delicately between them, Naboo hugged Tara, running his hands up and down her spine to help heal it. She smiled as they pulled apart, and kissed him. "Thank you."

Strangely, now matter how many different ways they tried, they could never quite get all the suitcases loaded into the van and still have room for themselves; there was always at least one left over. In fact, one strange time they only managed to get one suitcase in successfully. This, coupled with the sideways glances Vince and Naboo kept giving each other, made Tara rather suspicious that something was going on.

Especially when Naboo said "This isn't gonna work. Oi Vince, run over to tie rack and grab some scarves would you? Perhaps we can tie one on the roof."

"Course!" Grinned Vince, bounding off through the carpark.

"Alright," said Tara, rounding on Naboo. "There's no way we'd have that much trouble getting all the suitcases in naturally, what did you do?"

"Vince asked me to do something so he'd be able to go back to Tie Rack to buy stuff."

"But he's already got loads of scarves and stuff!"

Naboo shrugged. "He gave me thirty quid."

"Nice!" Grinned Tara, high-fiving him. "But you know… if we leave Vine alone in there he will buy the whole shop."

Naboo scrunched his nose up, making Tara smile even wider. "Yeah you're right, I should probably go after him."

Curiously, Roxi thought as she watched him go, even though Naboo was ambling along slowly and Vince was bouncing like a Thompson's gazelle, Tara's fiancé managed to catch up with her brother before they disappeared through the revolving doors.

Roxi tilted her head chewing her lip as she watched the two go off "Tara...that brother of yours is really something! Why wasn't I that smart? Creating reasons to go to tie rack...." she grinned and shrugged "I can see I bagged myself a good shopping partner! Now, onto more important matters" she suddenly frowned wondering if she'd really admitted there were more important things than shopping.

"More important than shopping? Are you feeling alright?" Asked Tara in mock concern.

"Yeah.. I think." She frowned again. "Doesn't sound like me though does it? But stop wriggling out of things you wriggly thing! Tell me more about your love life, I want proper details now Naboo's gone."

Tara shrugged a little. "Like… what?"

"Ok first off.. what on this dear sweet glitter-filled earth is a shaman? Is Vince one too? Is it like some sort of guys club thing?" Poor Roxi looked absolutely baffled.

Tara burst out laughing. "No, Vince isn't a shaman you fool. A shaman's like.. like a mystic, sorta. A healer, a medium.. bit of wizard thrown in. That's how Naboo did that stuff, with my back and the suitcases."

"Oooh! Wow that's strange.. but cool, very very cool!" Roxi's normally big eyes were like saucers, showing just how much she was impressed by the whole thing. "And how and where did you meet? And when did you get together? And you know… details! I'm OCD on gossip details!"

Tara sighed. "I told you when Naboo and I got together! Although I wouldn't be in the least surprised you'd forgotten, not after you forgot your shoes that time.. Fine. Naboo worked at the zoo Vince worked at a while back. He worked in the kiosk, I met him when I first went to see Vince there. He let me have a tub of bubbles for free actually..." She trailed off for a moment, lost in the memory. "We got together almost two years later, after we all went to that Rocky Horror sing-along I said to you about, remember, I borrowed your costume? I fell asleep on him on the sofa, but I woke up by myself, so... I dunno, even though I'd caught him looking at me, and thought there was something between us, that made me think maybe there wasn't, so I went shopping with Vince to take my mind off things. But then that night I was in the living room by myself and he came in... we were stood in front of the window, just talking a bit, but our hands were together then... then we kissed"

She was grinning so much that Roxi couldn't help breaking into her own Cheshire cat smile. "You really do love him… I've never seen you like this before!"

"But I'm sure everyone's sick of hearing about me, what's going on with you? Anyone you've been concealing?"

Roxi laughed "You've gotta be kidding me....after Danny I wouldn't care if I never went on another date again! Guys are just too much trouble for me! Maybe I should become a lesbian instead...and steal you away from Naboo!" she giggled smiling brightly, showing she was joking. Then again anything was possible with Roxi, but she definitely liked her guys more...

Tara laughed. "Well darling, you know if it were anyone it would be you," she paused to wink. "But if you did that I fear Naboo might turn you into a real fox, Rox!"

"I think I could live with that! Think how cute I'd be, and I could steal things from shops and no one would care so I'd get an even bigger wardrobe!" she went off in a train of though to the wonderful world that is Roxi's mind.

"What would a fox be doing with a huge wardrobe full of women's clothes? They'd never fit you."

"Well foxes can accessorize! And I could steal stuff for Vince! And I know what you're like for talking to animals, so you'd still speak to me! And I could get a cute little fox poncho!" She shrugged, always seeing the silver lining.

"At least the poncho would make you happy about living in the gutter. With all the fag ends and dirt..." Tara prompted.

"Hey! You wouldn't chuck a cute little fox out on the street would you? With no family...think of what could happen to it, it might die!" She was starting to get tears in her eyes when she thought about it, as if the fox was actually real, or as if she really was getting thrown out.

"And what d'you mean, stealing stuff for Vince? What about me?"

"You're the one chucking me out into a gutter!"

"Fine, you can live in our back garden. Provided I can get Vince to stop chucking rubbish bags back there... I swear, he'll make a mountain of them if I don't keep on at him."

"Hey! I'm a clean fox! Why can't I stay in the house? Parading around in my little poncho and you know, shedding fur and mucking around when people are trying to concentrate!" She pulled a classic pout, which oddly enough rather resembled Vince's; clearly it must be the fashionista pout

"Roxi the oddly-dressed fox of distraction, oh yes I'm sure you'll be more than welcome."

"Fine I won't steal you from your fiancé...I'll steal the next most feminine thing....your brother!" she stuck her tongue out cheekily, moving swiftly out of the way of Tara's wrath.

"Get your mitts off him you tart. He's a delicate flower y'know! So says Bollo, anyway."

"Hehe, tarts are good for eating dear! Who's this Bollo guy anyway? And Howard! You haven't told me anything about them yet!"

"Dude.. keep it clean, in the first chapter at least! Honestly." She laughed. "Howard's Vince's best mate, although you wouldn't think it to look at the pair of them. And Bollo's just Naboo's gorilla." She added distractedly, seeing Vince and Naboo return, laden with scarves. "Oh dear... so much for- well, actually, that probably is as far as Naboo could restrain Vince. Unless he slipped him an extra twenty."

Roxi was still as Tara got up to call to them.

"...Gorilla?"

**We'd love to know what you think so far so please review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**We're back! Thank you to you lovely types who reviewed, and to Helen for beating for us again. Also, we forgot last time to do a disclaimer, so here it is: We don't own the Boosh. Obviously. Roxi and Tara belong to us though so get your grubby paws off them you beasts! Hope you enjoy this one.**

Bollo snatched the record from his hands, but was nice enough not to throw it across the room as usual.

"Come on Bollo!"

"No, they all say to Bollo, no let Howard play jazz."

"But maybe-"

Bollo suddenly stood more upright, hand across his chest as he repeated what was told to him. "'Bollo, don't let Howard put his jazz on for when we get back, we don't want Roxi hot-footing it out of here in terror before she's even halfway through the door.'"

"But Bollo," whined Howard as he followed the ape around the sitting room, tidying up a few final things (mostly Vince's rainforests of magazines, paperclips, and oddities such as buttons, paintbrushes and five Jenga blocks belonging to Tara), "Jazz has been shown to be the most welcoming type of music! Places that play jazz have twice as many return customers as those who play any other type of music!"

"This flat in Dalston, not branch of Starbucks. Put it away, Bollo put on Teenage Kicks cd."

Howard sighed, but agreed, as he did rather like the cd too. He flopped onto the sofa, then jumped up again at the sound of van doors slamming outside.

Roxi got out and looked around her; this was the type of place she could get used to! Despite travelling so much she was definitely a city girl at heart. Her eyes caught on the sign of a shop in front of them - the Nabootique - and she grinned.

"That has got to be the coolest name for a shop in the history of shops!" she said in awe, wondering exactly what sort of stuff it sold. She bet whatever it was, it was quirky.

"Welcome home!" Smiled Tara. "It's a bit crowded, well, even more so now, and you will have to fight for a place in the bathroom queue in the morning, but apart from that…"

"Home huh? I haven't had an actual home in ages!" She looked around smiling again. "But this definitely looks a good place to start, crowded just means cosy, and the bathroom thing shouldn't be too much of a problem."

"Bribery or weapons?" Asked Naboo.

"Midday lie-ins. I doubt there'll be much of a queue then."

"You'd be surprised."

Roxi smiled and shrugged then nudged Tara "Come on then! I want the full tour! I don't wanna end up getting lost...or worse, losing my shoes or something!" she laughed linking her arm through the smaller girl's.

"Just a tic then." As Roxi seemed disinclined to disengage from the arm-link, Tara dragged her around the van as she locked the doors, mindful of her possessions being stolen as soon as she turned her back. They then bounded towards the front door, stopping at the stairs.

"Can't we go in through the shop?" Asked Roxi.

"Calm yourself girl! You'll have plenty of time to look around there, I thought you wanted to meet Howard and Bollo?"

"Oh yeah! Fine Shop later.....Jazz dude and Gorilla now!" she agreed, keeping up with Tara in little lithe leaps, thinking that she must look somewhat like a deer on acid.

Tara reached the top of the stairs just before her friend, and was trying to introduce her with 'Howard, Bollo, this is-' but was cut short when Roxi leapt up behind with "Hello! I'm Roxi!" and thrust a hand out towards them.

Bollo was the first to take her hand and shake it. She was a very pretty girl, just like Tara, which led him to get bad feelings - there were two single men under this roof, and one single pretty girl...he didn't think he'd like the outcome but decided not to saying anything for now. "Hello. Nice to meet you Roxi."

Howard overcame his stunned silence with a little too much enthusiasm as he thrust his own hand towards Roxi. 'Hi, hello, Howard Moon, nicetomeetyou."

Roxi giggled. Bollo's hand was so warm, and soft like an expensive leather handbag! And Howard seemed like a happy, bouncy sorta guy...or a nervous one; She wasn't sure which. "Nice to meet you both too! And thank you so much for letting me stay here for a while! It looks like a lovely flat you've got!"

She stepped off the top share and properly into the room, then shivered "Hey guys, how old is this flat?" she tensed up, not liking the feeling that was coming from the little room to her right. "You know...you might wanna check out it's history, it might be haunted! Sure feels like someone died in here before..." In fact it really was starting to creep her out a little, she hoped she was just imagining things.

Still looking with interest around the living room, Roxi missed the quick glances the others exchanged. "Nah don't be silly Rox..." said Tara. "There's nothing like that here, we'd have felt it."

"Hmm yeah I suppose...but sometimes I just get a sense for these sorta things." She shrugged, deciding for once to ignore her gut instinct. "Anyways, you need to finish this tour missus!" she gave Tara a gentle dig in the ribs.

"Haha, alright alright, patience. Get the kettle on would you Naboo?" The tiny shaman obliged as Tara offered her arm to Roxi. "This, fair lady, as I'm sure you can see, is the living room, we have all the mod cons- somewhere to sit, windows, an old tellybox, and a fully functional table."

"It's very homely, I like it!" she grinned "And you know patience is hardly my strong point!"

"Well, quite." Agreed Tara. "There's your kitchen, complete with tea-making shaman, he also specialises in chillies."

Roxi followed along quite happily, the foreboding feeling she first felt slipping away as she chatted with Tara "Hmm tea and chilli? You really did find the perfect guy for you didn't you?" she laughed. Bless her little pixie friend.

"And up through here..." Tara led Roxi away along the corridor to the bedrooms, leaving the guys alone.

Naboo looked over his shoulder. "Tea Vince?"

Vince nodded "Yeah alright sounds good to me" he stopped in front of the hallway mirror making sure his hair was still perfect after the shopping and luggage lifting, which of course it was - Root Boost was clearly a gift from god to the hair-conscious.

Naboo glanced at him preening himself and smirked a little. "Bollo, How- where's Howard gone?"

Vince looked around and shrugged. "Dunno... Lester's?"

"He didn't say anything."

Vince looked around as he heard a heavy puffing sound to see Howard coming up the stairs with the first load of suitcases. "Oh I found him Naboo!" he said happy and proud, like when a child finds their friend in a game of hide and seek.

Naboo raised an eyebrow. "I'm outta gold stars Vince. Tea Howard?"

Howard nodded, panting, and disappeared back downstairs for the other suitcases.

"I think someone's trying to make a good impression..." Vince said raising his eyebrows and giving Naboo a look that clearly said 'here we go again.'

Naboo smiled mysteriously. "Yeah, I think they are."

"What d'you-" Began Vince, but was interrupted again as Tara and Roxi came back.

"Wow you guys, your bedrooms are amazing!" She grinned.

Vince grinned, back forgetting Naboo's mysterious revelation "Thanks! I'll give you a proper tour of my room in a minute, I bet Tara's to show you the coolest things, did you see my wardrobe?"

"I didn't want all the clothes falling on me again, I was trapped for two hours last time. Oh hi Howard." Tara added, as he arrived back at the top of the stairs, completely puffed out and bright red. He handed the keys to Tara's van back, then stumbled over to the sofa.

"That's cos you didn't listen to me! There's a way of doing -" Vince was cut off mid-sentence by a squealing Roxi pouncing a surprised Howard.

"You got my suitcases for me!! You absolute darling! Thank you!!" she hugged him tight "I can't believe you did that for me! Thank you, thank you, thank you!" she kissed his cheek enthusiastically -she always did have a problem with over-exaggeration.

The others watched, eyebrows raised, as poor Howard looked stunned at the attention suddenly being lavished upon him by someone so attractive.

"Rox for goodness' sake, unhand the poor man!" Laughed Tara.

"Oh...sorry!" she blushed giving him on last squeeze then jumping up to let him breathe. She laughed and shrugged, then looked at a slightly pouty Vince. "So what were you saying about that wardrobe?"

"Yeah, you wanna see?" Asked Vince. "We can bring your stuff in too, did Tara say you'd be sleeping in my room? Get the suitcases Howard."

Howard turned his head to them, looking crestfallen at the prospect of having to get up again.

"No, we can't do that to poor Howard after he carried them all the way up the stairs for me without being asked! C'mon, we can drag them in if we're careful."

"Bollo help with suitcases. Bollo strong gorilla who doesn't pass out after hug like stupid Jazz Maverick" come the grunting voice of the primate, who'd be pretty quiet.

"I.. but... they!" Howard tried to protest, but Bollo was gone, following Vince and Roxi.

Tara sat down next to him. "Don't listen to him Howard, you did great, thanks for getting the cases, I completely forgot!"

Naboo handed them their cups of tea. "Roxi seemed pretty pleased with you too Howard."

"She did didn't she?" Said Howard, perking up. "Where is Roxi from anyway?"

"Ahh that's the thing...no one's quite sure, I don't even know if she knows - she travels a lot, like I used to" Tara looked to Naboo softly with a secret smile.

"Where was she coming from then, when you picked her up from the airport?"

"I dunno actually, she just said to be there at a certain time to pick her up. She was on holiday somewhere."

"Hmm very mysterious...I wonder if she likes jazz" Howard said more to himself than anyone else.

Tara and Naboo glanced at each other, smirking, as Vince and Roxi burst out of his bedroom, giggling like tickle-me Elmo and covered in feathers and bits of tinsel.

"Arrrrggghhhh! Vince noooo! Stop it!" Roxi squealed as he grabbed her waist tickling her mercilessly, she wriggled and started running again. "I'll set Bollo on you!"

"Yeah, well I'll set Tara on you!"

Vince feigned to the left, but then tried to make his escape in front of the sofa. Tara rolled her eyes and tripped him, careful to make sure he missed the table. Already half-doubled over, Vince collapsed fully onto Howard's knees and then the floor. "Oi!" He kicked Tara back.

"Hey!"

"Oi stop it you two, we don't need you having a wrestling match again, it's been done." Said Naboo.

"Yeah, I suppose you're right." Said Tara, reaching down to help her brother up.

"So Rox, Howard was just asking, where've you flown in from this time?"

"Oh I flew from New York, I just finished a stint on Broadway playing Debbie Harry as a bunny girl in a new musical all about Hugh Hefner's life, but I finished my contract now so thought I'd come back to my home land for a bit!" she said, as if such things were normal of everyone's life.

"Oh right, so that's why you've got five suitcases?"

Roxi looked puzzled. "No... I sent all my normal stuff somewhere else, this is just my clothes and stuff for here."

Vince had perched on the arm of the sofa and was staring at the redhead, trying to work out whether he was more impressed with having a girl who had not only portrayed a bunny girl but also one of the greatest, sexiest women in music living in the same flat as him, or by the fact that the number of suitcases she appeared to own might even rival his collection.

"Hmm, I should really unpack..." Roxi said frowning at the thought "C'mon sweetie, you can help me find space in Vince's wardrobe" she held out her hand to Tara.

"I think you'll need Naboo for that." Said Tara, but took the proffered hand and followed her friend nonetheless.

"Hey we'll manage..." she suddenly raised her voice as the walked away "Even if we have to throw out and burn some of his clothes..."

As Vince's eyebrows shot up in alarm, Tara looked around at the suitcases with a twang of jealousy. Having all these clothes would be totally impractical for her, she just wouldn't have the space, but she did often wish she dressed better. Tara had plenty of nice things, but for the most part she was a jeans-and-t-shirt girl, and although she knew Naboo loved her she sometimes wished she could be more glamorous for him.

As if reading her thoughts, Roxi flipped open a suitcase. "I forgot, I saw this when I was in New York and had to buy it for you!"

Roxi pulled out a turquoise corduroy skirt with sequins and handkerchief point cut at the bottom hem "Well this is number one....." she said handing it to Tara then diving back into her suitcase.

"Oh wow Roxi that's gorgeous!" Tara fawned over it. "I really don't have enough skirts, this is great!"

Roxi turned her head from the suitcase and towards Tara "I'm glad you like it chickpea...just wait 'til you see what else I've got you!"

"More? Bloody hell, I hardly got you anything..." She said guiltily.

"Yeah you did! You gave me a new temporary home, complete with a Shaman who makes great tea, a cuddly friendly gorilla, a guy who carries suitcases for me and the best shopping buddy ever! Not to mention your lovely company!" she grinned, perfectly happy.

Tara smiled and shrugged modestly. She never felt that whatever she did for her friends was enough. "Yeah well... we'll go shopping tomorrow maybe, if Vince doesn't drag you out with him instead!"

"No we won't! You've already done far too much for me, I'll feel guilty!" she pouted, trying her 'I'm so cute, you can't disagree with me' look for the first time on another female.

"Don't give me that you tart." Laughed Tara.

"Damn it! I hate you for not being of the male gender!" Roxi giggled back.

"And whaddya mean no? Am I to have no time with you at all this little visit?"

"You may have all the time you want, and we may go shopping but you are not to buy a thing for me...I know what you're like..." she narrowed her eyes in a mock glare. "If anything, you may buy me a muffin for being absent so damn long. I thought I was supposed to come down to see you earlier this year?"

Again, the guilt. A plan had indeed been half-formulated for Roxi to visit Tara at the flat on her way to... wherever she was jetting off to that week, but unfortunately Tara's death had thrown a rather large spanner in the works, as it had with so many things.

She still couldn't quite get used to it. It wasn't what had actually happened to her as such that was upsetting, she didn't mind having been dead for a bit at all, but she felt weird about having missed out on so much with her friends in those months. Having Vince and Naboo and everyone telling them how much they missed her was bad enough, but if everyone she knew started doing it she may have had to contact the Fates and ask for a little more time out, just to give herself a rest. It was better this way, even if everyone she loved felt neglected, and she had to deal with the difficulty of lying to them further. She hated having to do it but how would they ever understand?

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that Rox I really am, everything just got a little crazy... but you're here now at least, and to celebrate my engagement too! Now, I seem to recall you saying you'd bought me something else?"

"Ah I can't even begin to understand the first throws of love, I guess it's just one of those things that happens when you find the one - but you've found him, so don't let it happen again! Other than that I forgive you!" she beamed. "I think your patience is becoming worse than mine dear...just a sec while I find it..."

Tara eyed the other suitcases, and decided to make a start on helping her friend unpack them while she searched for whatever it was.

She'd got as far as removing all the tops from one suitcase and putting most of them on the hangers supplied, when Roxi finally cried "Found it!"

She pulled out a box, black with silver swirls, which contained a deep scarlet corset and French knickers, both trimmed with black lace. Roxi had picked it up as soon as she discovered Tara was in love - love deserved sexy underwear. She placed the pretty box in Tara's hands "Think you might enjoy this dear"

"Ooh!" Squealed Tara, excited by the box. She opened the lid, her face a picture of admiration. "Oh Roxi that's _gorgeous_!"

She held them up and admired them for a moment longer, then carefully replaced them in the box and crawled over to hug her friend. "Thank youuuu!" She let go and sat next to Roxi. "Although I think Naboo might enjoy them a little more...."

"Haha, thought he would." She laughed. "But speaking of Naboo,... this shaman thing, would you say he has uh... magic fingers?"

"Oooooooh Rox.." Purred Tara "You've no idea."

Roxi hugged her back laughing more "Hey when you buy me that muffin...blueberry muffin that is...I won't complain if you stretch to a pair of ear plugs..."

"Haha don't you worry about that, don't you think we've taken that precaution sharing a flat with three other people, one of them my brother? Soundproofed walls darling, soundproofed walls." She tapped her nose conspiratorially. "But actually, on the subject of Naboo, keep him being a shaman to yourself yeah? Supposedly people aren't supposed to know, but I figured it'd be pretty difficult to hide from you if you were gonna be sharing the flat."

"Thank god for that! I'm not sure who I'm more grateful to - Howard for bringing the suitcases up, or the walls." she grinned devilishly "Ah, no problem, people would think I was some crazy glittery lunatic if I did say anything, but I'm good with secrets anyways!"

"Yes, don't I know it." She said in a slightly accusing manner.

Roxi looked down at Tara, silent for once. She knew she shouldn't have stayed quiet about the events of a couple of years previously, but, however clichéd it may be, it was her burden to bear.

Because of the quiet, they could hear the voices from the next room drifting through the open door. 'Don't slate my clothes, just because all you ever wear is corduroy! Ask Roxi, she knows fashion too you know, I don't see you slagging off her clothes." Said an annoyed-sounding Vince.

"I wasn't slating them Vince, I simply said they weren't practical for starting up an indie male cheerleader team! I know I shouldn't have let you watch Bring It On last night." Came the equally annoyed voice of Mr Moon.

Tara and Roxi looked at each other, bemused. "I'm glad we're safe in here, the last fight they had got rather out of hand… the sofa still smells of pineapple juice."

Vince continued as they carried on unpacking Roxi's clothes. "Look, I'm telling you Howard, if I wanted to do the splits these jeans wouldn't stop me! It'd never happen if I was wearing corduroy, I wouldn't even think about it, doing the splits would just bring to much attention to me wearing something as embarrassing as that!"

The sound of chunky heels thudding on floorboards grew slightly louder as Vince stomped towards hi- no, at the moment it was Roxi's – room.

"Roxi! Can we go shopping now?" He asked, sounding like a sulky teenager.

"Hang about Vince, the poor girl hasn't even finished unpacking yet." Said Tara. "Besides, she's here to see me remember, not go flouncing off to the shops with you!"

Vince's eyes flashed a little, and he folded his arms. "Oi, don't you start yelling at me as well!"

"Be a bit reasonable then will you?"

"Me? I'm not-"

But Roxi chose to interrupt him then. "Right, shut up everyone! Come on, into the front room." She grabbed Tara by the elbow and herded Vince out on the way, sitting them down on the sofa with the others, and stood in front of them.

"Howard, it is possible to do the splits in skinny jeans, but it is rather hard." She demonstrated, and continued from her position on the floor. "Vince, corduroy can be perfectly fashionable, it depends how you wear it, I've got a pair of black cord skinnies in one of my cases in there. And Tara sweetie I'm sure Vince isn't trying to steal me away, he just wants to go shopping. Now please all of you stop shouting, or… or… or I won't make chocolate cookies!"

Howard looked impressed at Roxi's sudden command of the situation. Vince and Tara both perked up at the mention of chocolate cookies, and Naboo and Bollo raised their eyebrows (or whatever it is gorillas have where eyebrows should be) at each other, smiling.

"Think Bollo gonna like having her around."

**Please review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello! Thank you for the reviews guys, much appreciated! Credit to Helen for betaiing, we hope you enjoy this chapter. xx**

When Roxi woke, her first thoughts were of just how comfortable she was, and how natural it felt to be waking up in a sparkling room full of purple, silver and peacock blue.

Her second thought was of who on earth was knocking on the door to wake her at the ungodly hour of eleven o'clock? "Yeah, who is it?" She asked with a groan, stretching.

"Get your lazy arse out of bed." Called Tara. "I thought you wanted to go shopping?"

"I can't go shopping this early!" She replied, pulling the duvet over her head. "The morning is only for sales. General shopping can't be done by us hardcore shoppers until the afternoon, when we've had a good solid lie-in to get our strength up."

Roxi never had been a morning person, but suddenly became aware of her craving for tea and weetabix – not together obviously, the authors don't recommend such risky experimentation, especially first thing in the morning. So it was with great reluctance that she made her way out of the bedroom, hair tousled cutely from sleep and wearing black satin pyjama trousers and a bright green camisole, decorated with black lace; how typical of Roxi that even her nightwear were sexy.

Walking into the kitchen she found Vince lying tragically on the sofa, his hair in much the same state of disrepair as hers. If possible he looked even paler than usual, and was obviously still tired, his eyes protected from the glare of the morning light by stylish sunglasses; it was easy for her to spot another hardcore shopping addict who'd been roused before the time was right.

Everyone else was awake as well, so she gave them a half-hearted smile and wave.

"Morning Roxi." Howard greeted her brightly. Brightly, at this time of the day. Obviously some great evil was afoot. "Breakfast?"

"Yes please." She nodded sleepily. "You must drink one hell of a lot of coffee." She remarked of his overly-bright attitude, and immediately jumping to the conclusion that it must be due to a regular and powerful dose of caffine.

Turning to Tara, she gave her as much of a glare as she could muster. It turned out as more of a squint. "Did I mention lately that I hate you?"

"No, but I've always known it deep down. It's what keeps me going on those cold and lonely nights." She replied lightly. "Toast is it? We've got Nutella."

She perked up at the mention of Nutella – Nutella was always good! "Ooh! I don't hate you as much as I thought!" She grinned, flashing her first proper smile of the day. Walking over to the sofa she collapsed next to Vince. Her head rested against his shoulder and he lazily wrapped an arm around her – they were united in their distaste of Tara and her early mornings.

"We'll have to punish her for this." Vince muttered.

"Yeah… we can stay in the changing rooms for hours." Roxi whispered back, with a conspiratorial giggle.

"Nah, I tried that once before. She told the security guard I'd fainted and had to be got out. The bloke was massive, I was too afraid to say anything to him so I went along with it and pretended to be unconscious while he broke the door down and carried me out. Then he tried to give me the kiss of life and I screamed, and when they figured out we'd been lying and banned us from going there again."

Roxi raised an eyebrow. If she had to pretend to be unconscious to escape scary security guards, it may have put her off shopping forever! "You two are crazy." She looked up at him and smiled softly, admiring his sunglasses. "Those are nice. Where'd you get them from?"

"Ollie the Ostrich. He thought they made him look pretentious."

"Yeah, Ostriches never suit sunglasses." She agreed. She really must've been tired if things about Ostriches were making sense to her. "My friend's Llama looks great in sunglasses though, and hats."

"I suit a hat, all hats suit me. Well, except one…. Thanks." He added to Tara, who handed him his traditional cereal milkshake for breakfast.

"Welcome." She replied, sitting down next to Roxi. "Where do you two want to go today then?"

"Everywhere!"

She sighed. "Of course you do."

"I need to explore!" Said Roxi, then looked back at Vince. "Wait, there's one hat that doesn't suit you? What's it like?" She looked up as Howard brought over her breakfast of Nutella-smothered toast and a milky tea, full of sugar. "Aww thank you Howard! You're a real darling!"

Howard blushed, and nodded.

"Vince burnt the offending hat." Said Tara. "Said it was an abomination that would destroy people's faith in him."

"It would!" He said. "How would people ever be able to trust my pioneering style if they knew that somewhere out there, there was a hat that I couldn't pull off?"

"Pulled it off pretty quickly after that koala made fun of you, didn't you Vince? Cried a bit too if I remember." Said Naboo, emerging from his bedroom and holding the record for the first member of the flat to be fully dressed.

Roxi tried to hide her giggle at Naboo's response but ended up bursting into fits of laughter. "Oh come on! Someone please tell me they've got a picture of this hat! What kind was it? Where'd you get it from?" She asked inbetween laughs, imagining Vince being mocked by a koala. Her thoughts then moved to how she'd feel about her headwear being ridiculed by a marsupial, and gave him a hug. "Aw its ok Vince, it's not your fault it's the hat's! And Koala's are notoriously mean."

"Yeah well, this one was really mean." Pouted Vince, remembering the koala's harsh words as he called Vince the ugly version of Hamlet. "And course there's no pictures, I tracked them down and burnt them too. Doing the world a favour I was, that hat wouldn't have suited anyone, completely the wrong shape for a normal sorta head… mighta suited Tony Harrison now I come to think of it."

"Tony's been banned from wearing hats." Said Naboo. "Since he hid in one and tried to rape a clown's wig."

Roxi was in such a state of confusion that the slice of toast she'd been about to bite into was hovering just outside her open mouth. "Who.. wha… why…. Clown wig?"

Vince saw his opportunity and went for it, leaning forward and taking a sly bite from Roxi's toast, who was still in such a state of confusion that she didn't notice.

Tara however, did, and rescued the toast from Vince by pinching it from Roxi and began munching on it herself as Naboo said "It's probably best you don't know. Mental health and stuff."

Roxi nodded in agreement, and only when she went to take a bite of her breakfast did she realise that it was missing in action. Her eyes widened in shock, giving her something of a 'Bambi' look, and she turned around to see Vince with chocolate on his lips and Tara hastily trying to finish a crust.

She jumped to her feet and mock-glared at them both. "You toast-stealing fiends! No wonder that hat didn't suit you Vince, it wasn't made for those of pure evil! And you!" She turned to Tara. "You little imp! I hope that slice means you don't fit into your wedding dress!"

"I'll have you know that my as-yet-un-purchased wedding dress is very accommodating."

"Fine! I hope the.. things I bought you end up not fitting." Roxi looked pointedly at Naboo to make it clear she was referring to the underwear rather than the skirt.

"Too late" Naboo muttered to her as he walked past to sit next to Tara, winking at her as she caught his eye.

"Oh gods, I did not need to know that! W-" Roxi's whimper was cut off by Vince, who's side had been kept warm by the presence of the snuggly redhead, and was now missing her.

"Oi, come back here, you still have toast I haven't eaten and you're nice and comfy!" He said, trying to drag her back down next to him. Roxi squeaked and wriggled away, then went to sit by Howard for protection.

Vince pouted and shuffled closer to Tara, who snuggled up next to him instead, grinning smugly at Roxi. Naboo raised his eyebrows at the pair of them in an oh-that's-the-way-it-is-is-it? way, and sipped his tea.

Roxi glared at the siblings again then took Howard's hand, standing up and pulling him with her. "C'mon Howard, I may need your help stretching for my yoga. You just need to push my leg back up against my chest while I'm lying down, nothing hard. I was gonna ask Vince but he's obviously too busy getting hugs, and I expect you're stronger anyway."

Howard flushed a deep beetroot and stuttered incoherently as he was led away.

"Oi! Cried Vince. "You… he…. Bollo's the strongest! I mean.." He sighed and snatched the last bit of Roxi's toast from Tara's hand, earning himself a tickle in the ribs.

Bollo, who had been watching this from his bedroom door, shook his head at the lot of them and went back to sleep for another hour.

Around the time he was getting up for the second time that day, Roxi was finally ready to go shopping. She'd perked up a lot and was dressed to kill (sometimes such things were necessary to get the best bargains) in skinny black snakeskin print jeans, electric blue t-shirt decorated with a black lightning bolt and black lace sleeves, her comfiest pair of silver ankle boots and her customised leather jacket.

After Tara and Naboo had disappeared into their bedroom shortly after Roxi had dragged Howard (who was now recovering in his darkened room to some smooth jazz) off to help with her yoga and hadn't been seen since, so now Roxi was waiting on the sofa giving Vince advice on what to wear, in return for a quick fashion show of all his clothes.

Vince strutted out looking somewhat like Adam Ant and struck a pose in front of Roxi, to which she wolf-whistled and clapped in appreciation "Now _that's_ a hot look!" She grinned. "But not really practical for shopping, Tara will kill you if you're pounced on by girls everywhere we go."

"Nah, she's used to that by now."

"Oh I see, you get lotsa girls do you? I get the feeling someone's an even bigger flirt than me!" She stuck her tongue out playfully, then fixed him with a daring gaze. "Ya know, I bet I could seduce any girl who liked you.."

"Bet you can't."

"Oh I so can – I'm good at getting women! They'll forget all about you and love me instead."

"New pair of boots says you won't."

"Oh you're so on!" She stuck out a hand to seal the deal.

Vince shook as Tara breezed out of the bedroom, patting down her clothes. "Shall we go?"

Roxi gave Tara a suspicious look, then pleaded with her. "Your brother looks like a double for Adam Ant, who I happen to think is unbelievably hot, please make him change!"

"No, I'm not waiting around for you two any more."

"Waiting for- where the hell have you been? I was actually ready before you for once!"

"….Getting ready. And waiting. Now come on."

"Yeah, sure you have." Roxi got up off the sofa and stood next to Vince, looking at Tara accusingly yet playfully. "Hey Tara, who would you rather sleep with, me or Vince?"

"……What a ridiculously disgusting question to ask Vince's _sister_."

"Well it's not like we're far from being sisters. And I'm only trying to prove to Vince that I can seduce women better than he can."

"Don't tell me – he bet you a pair of boots. Well, you won 'em, you sexy bit of totty you! C'mon, clothes aren't gonna buy themselves."

"Score!" Laughed Roxi, then saw Vince's sulking face. "Aw I'm only kidding Vince, we'll do it properly when we're out, Tara's a bit biased. But she is right, let's get going!" Roxi took the stairs two at a time, obviously excited about satisfying her shopping fix.

"Woah, hang on, can I wear this or not?" Asked Vince.

"I think you should wear it… when we're alone sometime.. and sing Adam Ant to me." Roxi winked, then giggled to show she was joking. "Go and change into something that's quick to get on and off in the changing room."

"Oh yeah, good idea." Vince grinned and scurried away, leaving Roxi and Tara waiting on the stairs.

"I'd say we should go and sit back on the sofa, but the prospect of trying on lots of nre things should hurry him up so we might as well wait here." Shrugged Tara.

"Sure."

"Oh yeah I forgot, Naboo asked me to give you this," Said Tara, standing up on her tiptoes and giving Roxi a quick kiss, "as a thank you for the corset."

Roxi laughed. "Looks like I'm definitely getting those boots. Perhaps I should go and uh, tell Naboo he's welcome?" She winked, making to head back upstairs.

"No!" Cried Tara, grabbing her arm and laughing. "Mine." She said, her face the embodiment of 'please?'.

"You're too cute! Would I ever do that to you?" She giggled and wrapped her arms around Tara's waist, picking her up as she squeezed her in a tight hug. "I'm so glad I came here!"

Tara let out a happy mewing sound as she was squeezed. "Me too darling."

"You'd better watch out then, I might never leave!" She threatened, gently placing Tara back on the ground.

"You're right, I should be more careful." Tara grinned devilishly. "I'm sure you wouldn't want to stay if I did… this!"

She lunged at Roxi's waist and started tickling her. Soon the two girls were nothing but a giggling heap of limbs and hair, which is how Vince found them.

"You had a tickling war without me?" He pouted. "You'd better make that up to me at the checkout."

He stepped over them and led the way to the tube station.

* * *

"No, it's only been two and a half hours…. Three and a half if you count lunch! You can't go already!" Protested Roxi.

"Yeah, we've still got to hit Mr Shank's Scarf Emporium, Big Fat Hats, Chocolate Dome, Octopus…" Said Vince.

"And Topshop!"

"Yeah, you've gotta come to Topshop!"

"I told you, I can't!" Said Tara. "Macky Steve's got some sort of jungle flu from an IKEA hotdog, I've got to go in and cover for him."

"IKEA hotdog my ass! Fine! But you have to wait until I try this on." Roxi held up a black and red striped punkish looking dress. "'Cos I know you give good opinions!"

"He did! It made his ears go purple!" Tara called to Roxi's back.

"That's what you get for eating food from IKEA." Vince said with a sigh. Silly people, eating silly food from silly places.

"I dunno, their chips aren't half bad." Pondered Tara.

"What?! McDonald's are way better!" Vince retorted.

"Obviously, but I'm just saying, in their absence…. Better than Burger King at least."

"Yeah well, anything's better than Burger King."

"That's true."

Roxi was stripped down to her underwear now when a thought crossed her mind, and she called out. "Hey Tara, what time d'you finish? We could all go out for a meal, my treat!" She turned to the dress on the hanger and admired it for a moment before trying to work out which way to best put it on – it had a lot of straps.

"Umm.. should be about six? So that could work, thanks! Can we have-"

"Chinese, yes we can." Laughed Roxi.

"'Ere Tara." Said Vince. "How come if you and Roxi know each other this well she hasn't come to visit before?"

"I think she was a bit torn… Roxi's as nosy as they come, but when you move around a lot.. going to people's houses, where they're all happy, it's kinda hard. It reminds you of everything you don't have. It's easier to meet somewhere neutral."

Vince nodded thoughtfully, then realised how Tara knew how Roxi would be feeling; it was how she would have felt when travelling around, before she moved into the flat to be with Naboo.

He suddenly hugged his little sister tightly, which took her by surprise somewhat as she'd been facing the other way looking at the rejected clothes on their sad and tarnished rail "Woah! You alright Vince?"

"Yeah. I was thinking about you."

Tara smiled, and turned in his arms to hug him back. "Really, if I have any more hugs like this today I won't have any ribs left!"

"Then you'll be all squishy and cuddly won't you?" He joked, then turned to look at the changing room, hugging Tara a little tighter as he said "Woah…."

Roxi had re-emerged in the dress. It was a little bondage, as is the punk style, but looked incredible; clinging in all the right places and flaunting her hourglass figure, the red made her hair stand out even brighter. "Hey, whaddya think? I'm not too sure…"

"… I think it's a good thing Vince is holding me back.."

"Vince! Are you spoiling all my Tara-loving fun?!" She giggled and twirled, pausing with her back turned to blow a kiss over her shoulder, then continued so that she was facing them, legs slightly apart with one knee bent in towards the other.

"I.. you.. I.." Vince stammered, half thinking that she looked really hot, and also wondering how he'd look in the dress. "Oh sorry." He let go of Tara. "There, you're free. Go rape."

Tara squealed and ran towards Roxi, jumping on her and causing them both to fall back into the cubicle, luckily not tearing the curtain, which fell mostly back in place over their assorted legs.

Roxi reached up to give it a tug shut, then called out with fake moans of "Oohh Tara! God that's soo good! Uh give it to me! Take it, TAKE IT! TAKE IT LIK A BITCH TARA!"

This was followed by Tara's uncontrollable laughter, and Roxi's fits of giggles.

"That's right Vince I'm sexing her up.. hey I never knew your sister was _this_ good in bed. Or, the changing room floor.."

"Oh I'm good anywhere baby." Said Tara huskily, laughing again.

Vince was currently huddled under a rail of clothes with his hands over his ears, whimpering. "Anyone else.. but not Tara… argh my brain!"

"Should we stop?" Tara whispered.

"Yeah maybe… he seems more disturbed than he should be.. has he ever walked in on you and Naboo? Did you scar him for life?!" She mock-glared.

"No! ….well, almost, once, but… we always thought he didn't realise what we were… ahem.. doing."

"Well um… this is a guess, but I'm thinking maybe he realised exactly what you were doing." Roxi said as she stood, helping Tara up and drawing back the curtain to see Vince's boots giving away his hiding place.

"He did ask if we wanted to go play badminton. Which looking back, I suppose _is_ rather odd. Poor Vince, talk about chi- grown-man trauma."

"Badminton?!" Roxi snorted with laughter. "Here, let me handle this, I'm good with chi- grown men. What was I thinking, I'm terrible with children." She shook her head as she walked over to Vince, pulled the clothes back and crouched in front of him. She held out her hands. "Come on Vince, come with Roxi and we'll find you some pretty shiny clothes!"

Vince's bright blue eyes peeped out from under his fringe. "Can I get a new hat?"

"Yup! One that looks really, really good on you and will make the Camden Dollybirds swoon at what will be your new shiny boots." She said softly, all the while thinking that she was glad to be a rock chick and not a dollybird.

Vince reached out with both hands for the girls to help him up. "I like the sound of that! Let's go!"

Roxi laughed. "Off you go then, go find pretty things, I need to find a way out of this dress.."

Watching Vince head back towards the main shop and Roxi retreat into her cubicle, Tara said "…I'll see you later then…"

"Oh, we forgot Tara!" They hurried back to hug her goodbye.

"Bye guys, enjoy yourselves and keep an eye on each other! Actually, Vince, gimme your wallet."

Vince fished in his pocket.

"This is a purse.." He shrugged. "Whatever. Right, you've got..." Tara counted. "A hundred and-! Jesus Vince, how did you get this much money?!"

"People hired me to drag their reluctant friends out to parties and make sure they have a good time. The idea fell apart a bit though once I got mistaken for an escort and almost arrested."

"Right…. I'm taking your credit cards, all you have left to spend is cash ok?"

"Yes _mum_ ." He moaned, and Tara poked her tongue out at him. "I suppose you're gonna take Roxi's cards too?"

"No, what she spends is up to her, she's got money from her show and doesn't have to contribute to rent!"

"What?!" Cried Roxi. "I am so contributing to rent, as long as I'm staying with you you should treat me like everyone else." She fished in her overly large bag for her purse and flipped through it, handing over all but one card. "I have one for real emergencies, clothes that'll never be seen and stuff.."

"Put those away you aren't paying rent unless you're planning to move in! Gods, even I didn't pay any for ages and I'm Vince's sister, not even a proper guest. But I mean, if you insist on giving me all your cards, I suppose I could do a little internet shopping when I get back...."

"Go for it, take them, Agent Provocateur have got a sale on. And yes I am totally paying rent, I've got an actual bed, you were only sleeping on the sofa. I'm paying." She said stubbornly.

"Alright alright, you can pay my share if you like. I certainly won't have the money if I don't get to work soon. Shall I see you both later then?"

"Yep, back at the flat!" Roxi hugged her again before skipping back to the changing room.

Tara left, shaking her head. _What have I unleashed on the unsuspecting world?_

Roxi found getting out of the dress far easier than getting into it, and was soon leaving the changing room, dress folded over her arm. She found Vince trying on hats and flirting with a sales assistant, who's only response when he asked for her opinion of a hat was "you're a god."

Roxi turned to face the nearest mirror and pulled out a red lipstick from her bag, applying it to what had been tastefully clear lipglossed lips… ah well, she was never without red lips for long! Smudging her eyeliner for a smoky look and messing up her hair sexily, she grabbed a tight black cinch belt and buckled it just under her already ample bust for added 'oomph!'

She sauntered over to Vince and his admirer in a predatory manner, licking her newly reddened lips and peering out from under her eyelashes and turning to the sales girl. "Hey sweetie." She said huskily. "I need an opinion on this belt, what do you think? I don't know if maybe I should get a tighter one.." She demonstrated.

The girl looked at her in awe. "Wow I… can I have your number?" She asked cutely.

"Oh I don't date." Roxi replied silkily. "But if I did it'd be with you!" She smiled and pressed a kiss to the girl's cheek. Once the girl had gone on her way, Roxi turned to smirk at Vince. "Vince nil Roxi one!"

"Yeah, we'll see." He said. "C'mon, let's go somewhere else, I'll beat ya yet!"

"Keep dreaming honey." She handed the belt to him and sashayed away with a flick of her hair to pay for her dress.

Vince stood for a moment in a small amount of shock, then grinned. This new friend of his was cool.

* * *

Some time later, Vince and Roxi were in yet another changing room (their seventeenth of the day), although this time it was Roxi waiting for Vince to try something on. "Hurry up!"

Vince grinned as he looked in the mirror. He was decked out in what he thought might be his best outfit yet; a ridiculously short lycra skirt clung to his thighs, teamed with a gold armour chest plate, gold boots, a blonde quiffed wig and large angel wings.

He strode out of the changing room to pose in front of Roxi. With his arms held out to the side and his legs slightly apart, he looked strangely reminiscent of a gleaming golden starfish.

"Oh my god!" She laughed. "Where did you find that?"

"I am Sunflaash! I am from da foochaaa!" Vince proclaimed in what must've been the oddest voice he'd ever done. Where it had come from he didn't know, but he did know that it was lots of fun. "I found this in da foochaar." He giggled in a cute, high pitched voice.

"That is the weirdest accent I think I've ever heard." Said Roxi, more in awe than amazement, surprised to find that she was oddly turned on by this 'Sunflash'.

"Yiiis thank yhoo. Itz a mixtaare of chav and Chineez." He flicked his hair with a smirk.

Roxi thought for a second, then spoke again, mimicking the accent. "You mean like Chavise?"

"Yiiis pretty one… come and join my quest for foochaar fun! We are from a planet called Camden, oh yar!" He grinned, moving his hands in a robotic manner.

"I will need ahn outfit liek yours if I am to belong in da foochar."

"We will fiind you someting pretty one! You aar now called Starshiiine!" Doing the giggle again, he pulled her up and took her by the hand, off to find a matching outfit.

* * *

Tara let herself back into the flat at a quarter to seven, rubbing her eyes a little and hoping Vince and/or Roxi wouldn't jump on her before she'd had a chance to sit down and have a cup of tea. Maybe a cuddle.

Ascending the stairs, the only person she could see was Howard, scatting quietly to some jazz. "Hey Howard."

He looked up guiltily as he saw Tara "Oh hi! Cup of tea?" he asked automatically

"Oh Howard, you're a diamond." She sighed. "Where's everyone else?"

"Naboo and Bollo are out on shaman business, and I thought Roxi and Vince were with you." He enquired, as he busied himself with the kettle. You had to hand it to Howard, after years of practice, he made a mean cup of tea.

"No I left them hours ago, I'm surprised they're not back." She tilted her head. "Actually that isn't all that surprising. Probably shouldn't have left them alone."

"Come on Tara, they'll be- actually, you're right, they shouldn't be allowed out together alone."

"Together alone?"

"You know what I mean."

"Hehe, I do. Oh thank you." She said as Howard handed her her tea and sat down next to her.

Tara let her head fall against his shoulder, and pulled his arm around her shoulders.

"Tired?" Asked Howard.

"Yeah, I've been running around after all sorts this afternoon, you wouldn't believe some of the stuff that goes on in that place. Not to mention Vince and Tara dragging me around here there and everywhere. But anyway, how's your day been?"

"Uneventful. I haven't done much since this morning's jazzercise. It was a good one though." He said, sipping his tea.

"Oh?"

"Yeah, I went up a level so it's getting rather intense now." He smiled. "There's some hot trumpet solo's coming out of that town hall let me tell you, we all worked up quite a sweat."

"Worked up quite a sweat in a cramped room with a bunch of other men did you?"

"Yes I- oh, shut up." He grumbled, and Tara giggled.

"So you've just been in a jazz trance the rest of the day then?"

"Pretty much."

"Cool." She said, and Howard smiled a little knowing that she was the only person he lived with who'd say that without sarcasm.

"So, how's Roxi enjoying it here then? Is she like you, prefers the wilderness to a concrete jungle?"

"Ah no, she's definitely a city girl at heart, she loves it here. Not like me." She laughed, but Howard frowned down at her a little. "No, I mean, I love it _here_, but I prefer the countryside to big cities, to live in at least, like you do. Roxi's more like Vince."

"I see. So she... wouldn't be interested in...'

Tara smiled indulgently at him. "Sorry Howard sweetie, you're not her type."

"Oh." He said, disappointed as usual. "Course."

"Ah Howard. You know if I'd met you first I.. actually, I did meet you before Naboo, but…" She shrugged a little, and kissed him on the cheek. "Mwah. Chin up, Adventure Man."

She tapped him lightly on the cheek, smiling, and got up to have a quick wash and get changed to go out.

Howard sighed. Pity. That's what it was. Pitied by a twenty-two year old who was already engaged, and why not? He had nothing going for him, no 'significant other', no-one.

Tara stopped at his sigh, and smiled sadly to himself, knowing how he'd be thinking. She walked up behind the sofa and wrapped her arms around Howard again. "You'll find someone darling, you're so lovely. Hey, Roxi said she'd take us out for a meal tonight, maybe there'll be a gorgeous waitress who'll take a shine to you!"

They were interrupted by the return of Naboo and Bollo. Bollo noticed Howard looking more down than usual and raised an eyebrow at Tara, but said nothing about it.

Walking over to his fiancé he wrapped his arms around her, kissing her on the cheek. "Hey, good day at work?"

She leaned her head against him. "Tiring day." She said, prompting another kiss. "You?"

"Not too bad. Saboo's being a berk and Tony's trying to organise some party or another…. The usual." He shrugged and looked around. "The giggle twins still out?"

"Yep. Roxi said she'll take is out for a meal this evening though. If they ever come home, that is."

"Nice of her." He smiled. "It'll save the cooking and washing up, Bollo'll be pleased."

"Bollo's marigold's wearing thin." Grunted the gorilla.

"We'll buy you new one's for your birthday." Muttered Naboo distractedly, most of his attention on Tara.

Bollo rolled his gorilla peepers as Tara pulled her hand across her forehead and yawned. "I think I'm gonna have to go have a nap or I'll be falling asleep at wherever we're going tonight."

"You want me to come with you?" Asked Naboo.

"Yeah." She smiled softly. "Until I fall asleep at least."

Naboo followed her into the bedroom, leaving Howard on his own with Bollo.

"Bollo think Howard should stop moping around, is not attractive"

A little over an hour later the clunk of heels were heard, and Vince and Roxi rushed up the stairs. At least, they _used_ to be Vince and Roxi. Vince was still in his Sunflash costume, and Roxi had now joined him in the bizarre attire, donned as she was in a corset with Romanesque straps, a pair of gold hot pants, gold boots that came to just over her knee, identical angel wings to Vince's and a long blonde, loosely curling wig. She was dressed as Starshine.

Bursting into the living room, they both pulled the same starfish pose.

"I am Sunflaaaash!"

"And I am Starshiine!"

"And we are from da foochaar!" They chorused, doing their futuristic poses again.

"And you're both freaks." Said Tara.

"Yoo just think dat cos yoo don't know of da foochaar!" Vince protested.

"We're from a plaanit called Camden!"

"Oh yaar…"

Roxi grinned… his voice sounded good when he said that. "Oh yeah!"

"No Starshiiine! Oh yaaaar!"

"Oohhh yeah!" She laughed the weird laugh, getting the phrase wrong on purpose just so he'd say it again.

Vince pounced on her, wrestling her to the floor, until he was on top of her and pinning her down. "No! Oh yar, oh yar, oh yar!"

"Steady you two!" Laughed Tara, peering over the back of the sofa with Naboo.

Roxi looked up at her mischievously. "Ooooh yaaaaaar." She said throatily.

"Much betta! Really good Staaarshine!" Exclaimed Vince, getting off her and helping her to her feet.

"Uh oh." Tara's eyes widened at the way Roxi was looking at her.

"I come here from distant planet for sexing's with short girl named Taaaaaraaaa!" Roxi pounced on Tara, pushing her to the ground.

"Not again!" Came Tara's slightly muffled cry.

"Staaarshine control yourself! We are here to seduce and make fun of Jazz poet " Said Vince, laughing the strange laugh again.

Roxi stood up and copied him, hands on her hips. Vince copied her, and Roxi copied him. This would have gone on for some time, had it not been for Naboo asking "So why're you two so late?"

"Yeah," added Tara. "The shops shut at about half five, it doesn't take two and a half hours to get home unless you walk here and back three times!"

"Aw we were in Topshop! It was genius! The manager got serious hots for Rox here" Vince grinned, giving her ass a playful smack "And stayed open late just for us! We went crazy in the changing rooms! Feathers in places there should never be feathers!...Like shoes!"

Tara looked at them for a moment. "....I'm so glad you added 'like shoes' to that."

Vince looked cutely perplexed "Where else would they have been?"

"Um.. never mind. So that's where you've been all this time is it, partying it up in TopShop? We've been waiting to go out, by the time you two are ready to go it'll be time for breakfast!"

Roxi looked apologetic. "We'll be quick, I promise!" She jumped lightly up onto Vince's back, wrapping her arms and legs around him. As one of both of their greatest passions, the shopping trip had done wonders for their friendship, and Roxi and Vince were now very close.

Vince held her legs to keep her in place as she cried "Yay, go Vincey go! We have pretty new outfits to wear!"

He grinned, and charged into what was currently Roxi's bedroom.

Sat closely together on the sofa, Naboo whispered in Tara's ear. "You know, if those two ever got together, we'd have to deal with the worst displays of public affection in the world."

"My god you're right....." She replied. "Something must be done."

Naboo thought for a moment. "Lock them in separate rooms without their favourite clothes until they promise to avoid each other like outdated flares?"

"I think it'd have to be two empty rooms... otherwise they'd do a Julie Andrews and customise the curtains or something."

Naboo laughed a little at the preposterous notion of Vince deigning to wear curtain material. "True. And we'd have to take their mobiles away."

"Obviously."

"One problem though."

Tara turned to look up at him. "Yeah?"

"We know it's pretty much gonna be inevitable. They don't."

**Please review!**


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